A very good and close friend of mine, Jeff L is allowing me to include his journal from many of his sessions with Unified Therapy and Dr. Paul Canali. This was what he recorded as he went through the process. It is not edited, but in raw form so you can see what his thoughts were at the time and what was going on.
If you want to know more about Unified Therapy with Dr. Paul Canali, you can read more at the following page. I did an interview with Dr. Paul Canali on Healing Conversion Disorder. His contact information is found on that page. If you would like to ask any questions of Jeff, please feel free to use the contact page and send them to the site email address. I will forward them on to Jeff for his comment.
- You will see some names of people throughout this journal.
- Quayny Porter Brown was an assistant working with Dr. Paul Canali.
- Dava Michaelson was an acupuncturist that Jeff had been seeing.
- There is also a ball that is referred to and that is a fitness ball that is used in the Enteric Brain Procedures as part of a session.
- This entire journal is several pages long, so I will split it up into the months as it was given to me.
Table Of Contents:
- Jan 2005
- Feb 2005 (coming soon)
- Mar 2005 (coming soon)
- Apr 2005 (coming soon)
- May 2005 (coming soon)
- Jun 2005 (coming soon)
- Jul 2005 (coming soon)
- Aug 205 (coming soon)
Session #1: Tingling with energy: could I have asked for more out of a first session?
By the time it was over, my arms and legs were tingling, perhaps trembling. I had also experienced a sensation of numbness in my hands, lightheadedness, cotton mouth, and some “laughing” as a release. A lot to experience. It was exhilarating.
I could also feel the pain in my neck as it was being worked on. There was also a sensation in my left foot, but after all that’s happened, it’s hard to remember exactly which words, color, or emotion would describe it.
My first awareness was of the area around the bottom of my chest, which tends not to be comfortable when I am prone. Sure enough that was the case while lying face down on the table. I did my best to move my awareness to the areas that were being worked on. It took a little while to get used to deep breathing through the mouth. At times my mind wandered and I did what I could to bring my awareness back to the parts of the body that were being worked on.
In time, I began to feel more. The “thump” from the ball was more intense that what I had experienced on my own. Later I felt the “thump” move through my body and to my arms and legs.
I really felt good after the session, but I’m not sure if the feeling lasted. Two hours later I felt tired. It came on in a flash while I was doing some work. I guess that’s not too surprising, considering how little sleep I had the night/morning before, and how tired I felt in the hours leading up to the session. For now let me focus on the energy I was creating/releasing at the end of the session, and the potential that I can plainly see right now.
The day after: Woke early and could not get back to sleep. Had about four hours of sleep, maybe a little less. Felt tired most of the day, but still managed to get myself to the gym in the late afternoon. Experienced a headache for part of the day, and the ringing in my ears may have intensified. In my opinion, nothing too dramatic.
Session #2: An even larger headache began in the early afternoon. After that I had to spend some time in a room that had been closed, with a cat litter box and lots of dust. That was the environment I left when it was time to go for my second session.
I found that my headache had intensified greatly during the start of the session. During the pelvic lifts it was hard to move my attention away from what I was feeling in my head. The pain had shifted from the front of my head to other areas, such as the back of my head, neck, and teeth/jaw. By the end of the session, my awareness was moved away from my headache, and more toward the tingling in my arms and legs. There was also some lightheadedness again. It seems the laughing response comes when my scalenes are being worked on, and when hands are moving closer to my throat.
A few hours after the session, the headache picked up more power and it became a major event for the rest of the evening. I put ice on it, sniffed rosemary, and Don did some light touches to my head. Closer to bedtime I took an Excedrin PM (the no aspirin/no caffeine kind). I think that helped some, and I wound up getting about 4-5 hours of sleep.
The day after session two. My headache pretty much cleared, until late at night when it was back, but dull. Nowhere near the intensity of the day before. I had to go back to the cat litter room during the day, but this time the windows were opened and the ceiling fan was shut off. I think that helped. This was an extremely busy day, with at least eleven hours devoted to working with records. No emotional responses worth noting, at least that I’m aware of.
Some of today’s record work involved lifting, and much of it involved bending. By nighttime my lower back had become very sore.
Session #3: Not as much tingling as the previous two sessions, but the “thump” was still noticeable. I’m allowing more touch near my throat than I had imagined I could. A minor moment of a headache during the session but it was brief and not intense. Again experienced cottonmouth, almost from the moment I became prone. Dr. Canali said my spine was less rigid, and after the session Don said my face looked different. Again some “laughing” release as my neck and throat areas were being worked on.
No Session: Only had about three hours or so of sleep. The alarm went off at 6:45 AM and I was unable to get back to sleep. Felt tired all day and did not accomplish nearly as much as I had hoped. At one point my mind projected a few early childhood memories, including the playground/bike entrance area at Southwest High, and the F—‘s house. I feel both intrigued and mortified at the child I used to be.
No Session: Between five and six hours of sleep, and a lot more energy. Made it out to the gym, and actually enjoyed doing chest exercises. My 60s soul auctions did better than expected, which is also a lift. Just 128 pounds on the scale at the gym. I need to workout three times a week. I feel more alive today. No trace of a headache or “fog” in my head until about 10:30 PM when the headache made an unwelcome return.
Session #4: Had a big release during the session (#4). Here’s how the day went:
Didn’t sleep well this morning and had trouble getting going, missing a chance to go to the post office before my 3:15 session. I think the sleepiness affected the start of my session, since it was hard to sense much of what was happening anywhere besides my head. I could feel the work being done in my pelvic region, but once the actual touching was finished it was hard to sense much there. The prone portion of this session made me think this might be rather uneventful. That was not the case.
After turning over and holding the ball against my gut, I could feel the thumping pulse. The real fun, though, came when the work moved toward my scalenes and my throat. “Remember to breathe.” Conscious thoughts clashed with unconscious responses: the dread of being touched there, laughing as a hand moves ever closer, gasping, coughing, sobbing, eyes tearing. More sobbing, more gasping, more throbbing. I both hated it and loved it. Mostly hated it, but I know it needs to happen. By then everything on my part was without thought. It all just happened. Harder sobbing, nose starting to run, eyes tearing… but why? What has been stored there all these years? Was it the result of R–s tickling to gain control, or was it a result of my near-drowning? Or something I have not put together? As much as I’d like to know, the resolution is more important. This needs to come out. This needs to be gone.
It was an emotional release without a lot of explainable emotions. I was not sad. I was something, though. I was human and I was complex. I was me.
Afterwards I went to Norman Brothers and treated myself to a pina colada milkshake. I felt kind of lethargic the rest of the night. I couldn’t even write any of this down at the time. It was probably a combination of not getting much sleep, plus the intensity of the session.
A lot came out today, but I know I’m still holding a lot inside of me.
No Session: All of my plans changed today when the “check engine” light came on in my car. I was less than two miles from Miller Road Shell, so that’s where I took the car. They checked it, and found that two oxygen sensors had to be replaced. It took about two and a half hours for them to get the parts and then get the job done. While I waited… I did something I have been thinking about doing: walking past some of my childhood places. I walked across the street to where Sentry Drugs and By-Rite/Great Valu used to be, off down the winding street alongside Miller Park, onto the perimeter of Blue Lakes Elementary School, down SW 92 Avenue up to SW 48 Terrace… then down that street, past where the J–s and H–s used to live, past the T–s home, the F–s home, toward the high school… then back around SW 48 Street to my Mom’s house. I knocked on her door several times, but she did not hear me. Since I didn’t know if the car was ready at the time, I decided it was time to walk back… away from my mom’s house, onto the other side of SW 92 Avenue, back past Blue Lakes Elementary, back to the gas station. The parts had arrived, but the car wasn’t inside the garage yet. So I walked some more, through the shopping areas, into Miller Park, and back again. I walked about three miles total. I had seen some of these areas in my mind’s eye since Saturday. I thought this walk would bring out a lot of emotions in me, but it did not. I did not connect intimately with these areas like I thought I would. I think it’s a result of the stress of the car repair (and the nearly $600 bill). I really hoped it would bring OUT a lot of emotions. Over the weekend I had seen myself (in my mind) back riding my bike through the neighborhood, being inside some of the homes, and being back in a time when I did not see myself the way I have since then. This walk did not bring me back to those days as much as I thought it would. Still, it’s remarkable that just days after thinking about taking this walk, here I was doing it, thanks to a problem with my car. It would have been a wonderful occurrence had it not carried a $592 price tag.
Afterwards there was some soreness in my left foot, so I soaked it in the little portable foot spa contraption.
I should note the sensation of tightness in my throat area as I was walking along SW 48 Street. This is not uncommon with me. It could have been due to stress, tension, the wind, looking upward, or any number of factors.
Session #5: Prior to the session I was asked to try to feel my body and sense what I was feeling all over. The overwhelming area for me was the heaviness in the throat. First I was prone, and work was done in areas such as the spine and the neck. I tried to feel the changes in my spine but it was difficult. I could feel the heaviness of the ball on my spine, and am not sure I was able to feel it softening as I breathed deeply. I did feel some pain in my neck as it was being worked on. Lightheadedness had already begun, and of course there was cottonmouth, and a little nasal congestion.
After turning over, we applied the ball to my gut and I could again feel a strong thumping. Paul soon moved toward my throat area and noted a difference from last time – less resistance. Still, there was quite a bit of coughing and fidgeting on my part. He had me put my hand on the outer part of my adams apple (I don’t know all the proper names for all the body parts). I cringed some but did it. I think during this time I had one hand on my gut, and at another I had one hand on the chest area. He also put a hot stone on my chest (and later my abdomen) and told me to feel the warmth going through me, and I could. There was some more work around the throat and some more coughing and gasping on my part, but not to the extent of last time. The thumping remained strong and I felt dizzy when it was time for me to get up. In retrospect, I probably got up too soon.
Afterwards I went over to where Don was laying. He had experienced a lot of emotions in his abdomen and throat. He seemed to be lying peacefully when I got there. I put a hand on his chest and one on his forehead, and later put my hands on, and in back of, his head.
I still felt a little dizzy after the session and into the night. A few times I had trouble putting words together. I did not get much of anything done the rest of the night, and had a tough time concentrating. At times I could feel some pain in the back of my neck. Sleep was poor, and I awoke very early the next morning with a strong ache in the front of my head. I took an Excedrin PM (no aspirin or caffeine) and came out here to write this.
No Session: Not enough sleep translates to not enough energy. I forced myself to go to the gym, but the verve wasn’t there. Still, doing a little is better than doing nothing. Later on we went to Tobacco Road, where a friend was putting on a show. I socialized as much as I could. This was probably the first time in my life I’ve been to a nightclub without having caffeine in my system.
No Session: Another early waking, then off to my first acupuncture session since November 23. Dava said she could see a difference in my face, and that my voice sounded more forceful. We did one round of needles – I think there were a total of eight, possibly ten. Two were on my head. Dava said I looked like “My Favorite Martian”. One needle in my right foot brought more sensation than the others, and I could still feel it a little after I’d put my shoes back on and walked out to the lobby.
Traffic on the way home was beyond belief. I expected bumper-to-bumper on 836 around the airport, but didn’t expect it to be that way the entire ride. 826 South was just as bad, especially as the rain came down. It was so heavy that I got off at Flagler Street, but that was also bumper-to-bumper and the crazies were out in force. I held it together until Flagler, but by the time I got home – almost 90 minutes later – my stress was apparent, especially after the rain had intensified. The first thing I said after arriving home was “any effect the session might have had is gone”. It took a few minutes for me to calm down. It is rare for me to show my anger when Don is around, because anger is a trigger for him, but at that point I was so stressed from the drive that I could not hold it in. I regret losing my cool, but I realize how important it is for me to let things out and not hold them in.
My jaw has been acting up, and it’s worse tonight that it has been in quite some time. The palpitations are back, and at times so is the intense thirst.
No Session: Woke up before 6AM and could not fall back asleep, despite several hours of trying. I felt sleepy all day, and my jaw discomfort intensified. Also dealing with constipation and some lower back pain. Did not make it out to the gym like I had hoped.
No Session: What I said yesterday, and more. Sleepy, lethargic, constipated, depressed. And my jaw too. I’ve now been constipated three of the past four days, including a complete shutdown today. I know that’s contributing to my lack of energy. I think the colder weather is too. Must buy fruit. I stated out loud my desire to go to the gym today, in the hope that saying it will help motivate me, but the energy to make the 9 mile or so drive just wasn’t there. I did manage to do what needed to be done to launch my new auctions, and close the ones that ended tonight.
Some of the mouth symptoms include some that I experienced a year or more ago, including excessive salivation, thirst, moving my tongue over the left side of my mouth, and jaw palpitations.
Session #6: This was my first experience with the water table. Quayny was there for the interview and assisted while I was prone. During that time I had a tough time connecting with my back and was not able to let go. I did feel some pain while my lower back was being worked on. I think my mind was still focusing on the sensations in the throat area. It was also hard not to listen to the conversations between Paul and Quayny, as they talked about what they saw.
Once I turned over, things changed. I felt a near-immediate connection with the pulse from my gut, and the throbbing spread to my hands and legs. Lightheadedness was again present. Each touch near the throat brought reactions such as coughing, panting, and eyes tearing up. It was similar to last Monday’s experience, in that it was an emotional release without the emotions. My nose was running and saliva had built up in my throat, which I was not able to swallow. I do not recall any laughing this time. I think I was more comfortable with this reaction, compared to last time. I’m learning it’s okay to let it out.
I connected a little more with the hot stones, and the one that was placed on my chest (under a pillow) brought so much warmth that I started to feel hot. This time I took my time before getting up. Before leaving I bought an enzyme supplement that I hope will help me with digestion.
I went back to Norman Brothers and treated myself to a pineapple shake. I also bought fresh fruits and vegetables to try to put a stop to constipation.
I should mention that I experienced another early waking this morning, and again I feel tired. Paul suggested that I rid myself of sleep medication. The first step will be cutting the dosage from 30 MG to 15 MG. I have done that before, but during better sleep cycles. I will try it tonight.
Paul says when I get through this quagmire I will regain my creativity. I like that thought.
No Session: Took just 15 MG of Temazapam and appear to have slept a little better. Still awoke early and couldn’t get back to sleep, but I didn’t feel as groggy afterwards.
Session #7: This was my first time in the main room. While I was prone I could feel some discomfort in my lower back, which is good in its own way, since sometimes I can’t sense much going on while lying face down. After turning over, I was able to feel the pulse in my gut without the ball this time. As usual, the sensation started to spread to my hands and legs, and I became lightheaded. I also started to experience some pains in my lower abdominal region and left foot. I put up less resistance when being touched close to my throat.
While breathing, and concentrating on the abdominal area, I noticed I couldn’t really feel or even sense my throat. I even had to get a momentary mental picture of where my throat was located. After that, I knew I needed more work in that area, and asked for more on the scalenes.
With Don holding the back of my head, Paul started working around my throat. He encouraged me to make guttural sounds as I breathed out. Paul moved on to another client, and Don continued to hold my head. I could feel the vibrations from the sounds I was making. Slowly I moved my head as if to get up, but I was not able to. My body would not let me. As I laid there with my head up, and Don holding my head, the gasping (or whatever it is) continued and turned to sobbing. I tried not to fight it, and let my eyes water as the release was happening. For the first time in a session, I also felt some emotions while the release happened. I felt sadness. In time I was able to get up off the table, and Don, Paul, and I talked a little about what had happened.
After the session I was quiet, and couldn’t really muster a lot of energy. That could also have to do with how little sleep I had today. It was my second night/morning on just 15 MG of Temazepam, and I had an early waking around 5:15 AM, followed by the inability to get back to sleep again. The good news is I was able to go to the bathroom today. I need to keep eating a lot of fruit and fresh vegetables.
No Session: Slept a little better. I feel more energetic today, and was able to get to the gym to do chest exercises. The bad news is my weight at the gym (minus clothing) was under 125. Shocking. Fully-clothed (with wallet, shoes, heavy jeans) I was around 129.
Session #8: My second time on the water table. I think this was the first time, while prone, that I was able to sense what was going on with my lower back. I was also able to feel a few twinges in my left shoulder. I seemed to have less trouble trying to soften some of these areas while Paul worked on them (though this still is not easy).
After turning over, I was able to feel strong pulsing in my gut, my hands, and my legs. I was encouraged to let my body move with the motion of the water table. This time there was no sobbing but I don’t believe we did much around my throat area. Paul said I had an impingement in my left shoulder and showed me how to do an exercise with the 3-pound ball.
I felt good both before and after the session today. A better night’s sleep helped. Afterwards I treated myself to a pineapple smoothie.
No Session: Had to wake up early to sell old records at a local flea market. That made it tough to gauge my energy level/how tired I feel/etc. I think I’m still doing all right.
No Session: Awoke early with a headache. I managed to lose it, but it picked up steam later in the afternoon at a chair massage event. This was my only major headache this week. Later in the day I mixed auction work that I needed to do with resting on the couch. My appetite picked up some this afternoon.
Session #9: A lot happened during this session. In the initial scan of my body, I was only able to pick up on what was happening in the usual suspect areas – throat, jaw, left cheek. While prone, Paul had me concentrate on what was happening as he worked on my back. He worked on my spine vigorously, and as I pushed down into the water table, I could feel myself starting to pant. I began making some guttural sounds as I exhaled (and was encouraged to do more of the same). Paul could sense some softening, even if I haven’t fully developed that sense yet. I was also experiencing intense cottonmouth.
After turning over and scanning my body again, it was clear my throat was (again) the area that barked out for attention. I was able to tolerate some touches in that area that would not have been possible three weeks ago. Paul moved his hands ever closer to the center of my throat, and as he finally reached that point, I gasped and gagged and the guttural sounds grew steadier and more consistent. I had the feeling that I was sounding like a loud motor at the time. I found myself rocking up and down on the water table, and did so quite a number of times during the session. Again Paul returned to my throat, and I reacted with more gasps, gags, and panting. I know I made some sounds that could have been sobs, but there were no tears this time, and no easily-identifiable emotions.
Afterwards he told me that what had happened was huge, and he warned me that there could be some shifts happening with my body.
I treated myself to a pineapple and banana smoothie afterwards, but it tasted more like a water ice. I could not really pick up on the flavor of the fruit. A couple of hours later I heated up a slice of pizza, and also found it to be lacking in flavor. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this happened with two different types of food in the same evening.
No Session: Another early waking, but was able to get back to sleep briefly. Had a strange dream about having to swallow either a notebook or cardboard. Jaw still bugging me. A little pain in the lower back and my teeth on the lower right side. A few other small aches. I can taste food.
Session #10: I was in the main room this time, with Quayny assisting. Much of what was done at this session was scoliosis-related. There were restrictions on the left side of my back, which Paul worked on. He did quite a bit of work on my spine, including the upper part around my neck, which hurt. I am still working on breathing and trying to soften the areas that need it.
The touches around my throat were direct this time. Instead of starting with the surrounding muscles and working toward the center of my throat, he went right for the hot spot. He used a light touch with just one finger, but with my gasping and panting (and some coughs) it was clear my throat had not processed that bit of information. Quayny supported my head while Paul went to assist other clients, and during one of those times I flashed to very brief scenes of when I was fifteen or sixteen years old, at Miller Park and inside a shop in what was the Suniland area. These scenes disappeared as quickly as they came. It was the second time this month I flashed to Miller Park, and just two weeks ago I took a quick walk along its grounds.
We did not use the ball this time, but I could feel the pulsing while my hands were on my gut area. I also felt the usual lightheadedness (through perhaps not as much as at other times) and cotton mouth. I also felt a little itching, which I remembered I felt at the other sessions as well.
Paul had me turn over and lie face down again. He wanted to check my spine, and also stretched my left leg. He told me earlier in the session that “this is huge, this is the scoliosis”. Hours after the session my back felt okay, with the biggest discomfort once again in the area of my lower left jaw.
No Session: Not nearly enough sleep. Made it out to the gym, but felt weak and couldn’t do as many reps as I would have liked. Still, it was better than not going. Fought a headache later on, and took an Excedrin PM (no aspirin or caffeine) before bed.
No Session: Up fairly early to go to acupuncture. Dava saw a change in my pulses during the session – actually two changes, with them softening toward the end. Needles were placed around my ribs, by my underarms, and on my head and feet. The only one that hurt was on my left foot. Dava said this treatment was for a blockage she detected between the spleen and heart.
Later at night we went out to a club to meet with friends. I had a rum and coke, which was both my first alcohol, and first soda, in a long time.
1/29/05 & 1/30/05
No Session: Woke up before 6AM on Sunday and was not able to fall asleep again. Came out twice and ate a little both times, since I felt a bit hungry. My teeth on the lower right side of my mouth continue to hurt intermittently. Spent several hours working on record auctions on Sunday.
In the evening Don practiced some Trager techniques on me. I could feel myself relaxing some, especially when he was working on my right foot.
Table Of Contents:
- Jan 2005
- Feb 2005 (coming soon)
- Mar 2005 (coming soon)
- Apr 2005 (coming soon)
- May 2005 (coming soon)
- Jun 2005 (coming soon)
- Jul 2005 (coming soon)
- Aug 205 (coming soon)